"Ramblings" is perfect for this post...

Wow... no blogging for 3 months? I swear I'm still alive, for those of you that read my blog but don't really keep up with me (I really do enjoy your fb messages, though!). I don't even know how to begin any sort of "intro," so we'll dive right in and play catch-up.

First of all, I can't believe summer is over & I've already started my very last year of school... ever (hopefully). It's really weird to think that a year from today, I'll be scribbling "MS, CF-SLP" (then 9 months later changing it to "MS, CCC-SLP") behind the chicken-scratch I like to call my signature. Oh, but not only that, I'll be WORKING... making a salary... and living in [insert city not in Arkansas here]. This time last year I was settling into Little Rock -- getting to know my classmates, using my Garmin to get me everywhere, hoping school wouldn't be too hard and trying to figure myself out a little bit better all while sporting long brown hair. Five hairstyles later, my classmates are some of my closest friends, I only use my Garmin occasionally (ok, more often than not), I still hope school stress doesn't get the best of me and I still don't know who I am for the most part (although I hope it's safe to say I'm not the same person I was 365 days ago).

But let's be honest, no one really completely knows who they are and what they want in life at 23 years old. Thank goodness that God has a plan and a purpose for me, and all I have to do is sit back, trust Him, & jump when He says, "Jump." But let's get real for a second, it's so hard to do that. We as humans are control freaks. In "Having A Mary Spirit," it's put this way:

Fear in its purest form is really unbelief, the false conviction that "God can't, God won't... so I must." Faith, on the other hand, chooses to believe that "God can, God wants to, and God will... so I choose to trust Him with my life."

All life challenges present us with a basic choice: fear or faith. I can only pray that as this school year winds down, God gives me the patience and the courage to be faithful. That being said, I hope God's plan for me includes living in some really cool city for a few years. And if He wants to throw in an amazing but affordable place to live, awesome co-workers, and perhaps a desirable salary, I definitely wouldn't be opposed to it :).

This semester I have a graduate assistantship with Tri-District. I'll be at elementary schools on Tuesday & Thursday mornings, and I'll be at Arkansas Children's Hospital on Monday and Wednesday mornings. I am beyond excited for this :). So it's a safe bet that my next post will blab on and on about that! Seeee yaaaa.

To pack? Or to unpack?

I've always had the desire to move somewhere new... where all I have is myself, a job and the Lord, & then see where He takes me from there. The thought of moving is scary, but it's one of those fears that excites me! I feel like after being stuck in Arkansas for 23 years, I need a little change of scenery. However, it scares the beegies out of me thinking about being in a new city with people I don't know, perhaps no one at all! Since high school, I've made such stable friends in Fayetteville and in Little Rock. I've established friendships that are so strong I can hardly bare the thought of being away from them for a few years, much less permanently! What if I can't build new ones that give me the same sense of security? What if I lose touch with those that I'm close to now, & then those friendships dwindle? Now THAT'S a scary thought! What if I hate the city? What if I can't afford it? What if I get blown away by a tornado or a hurricane? What if, what if, what if...

These worries only remind me that I'm not trusting God with all that I am. I need that friendly reminder: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:11-13.

There's a specific city that has been popping up in my mind, & I'm not sure when or why I started thinking about it, but it's there. "Hurricane" by Jimmy Needham (I've included a link at the bottom) has been on repeat since I first heard it. There's a line in it that says, "I am Yours and You are mine. You know far better than I. And if destruction's what I need, then I'll receive it, Lord, from thee." I have no doubt in my mind that I would probably cry myself to sleep for a few weeks if I followed through with this whole moving thing. But, if that "destruction" is going to be the challenge I'm craving that tears my walls down so that God can reveal Himself to me more than ever, then so be it.

Of course, I'll be static in LR until next May, so I've got a lot of time to think about this. I prayed about this for the first time tonight, and I would appreciate nothing more than for you to pray for me, too! It's never too early to ask God for something :). You never know what could happen in a year!! I've been pretty emotional about this thought today, & if it's any indication as to how I'll feel about moving when it's really time to job hunt, I'm going to need all the praying I can get!

"Hurricane" by Jimmy Needham